\u201cWhy does this always happen to me?!\u201d<\/p>\n
The darkened walls of the passenger bus lavatory swayed\u00a0as we made our way down the highway.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen more spacious accommodations\u00a0in\u00a0a phone booth.\u00a0 I had tried to hold out until we made it all the way to Philly but it was no use.\u00a0 Nature\u2019s call must be answered.\u00a0 Beer has that effect on me.<\/p>\n
I had received a phone call some days earlier from a family relation of mine who is blessed, or cursed depending on your point of view and what team you root for, to be employed at the new Yankee Stadium in the Bronx.\u00a0 He had worked as a concessions manager at the old stadium for years and had managed to make the switch when the time came, despite the fact that his old employer no longer had the concessions contract for the building.\u00a0<\/p>\n
This relation of mine had told me that, since the Yankees had managed to turn things around from the past couple of years, win the American League Pennant\u00a0and get\u00a0back into the World Series, all concession managers had been given 2 tickets to the first game of the Series to be played at the home stadium of the\u00a0new National League champions, reigning\u00a02008 World Series champions,\u00a0and the Yankees\u2019 2009\u00a0World Series opponent, the Philadelphia Phillies.\u00a0 And, seeing as how the \u201cCity of Brotherly Love\u201d is none too far a trek from our own fair city, arrangements had been made for buses to take all those who were interested down to the game.\u00a0 My relation wanted to know if I had any interest in his other ticket.\u00a0 I almost choked trying to get the answer out fast enough.<\/p>\n
Now I was told that we needed to bring as big a presence as possible down to Philly, as their fans had been rather obnoxious during the first two games of the Series.\u00a0 Not as bad as any run-of-the-mill, regular season game versus Boston, for their fans are\u00a0especially talented when it comes to full-blown irritation, but obnoxious nonetheless.\u00a0 My first impulse, as it is when it comes to attending any Yankee game, was to haul out every stitch of Yankee emblazoned paraphernalia that I could possibly wear at one time.\u00a0 And having worked there for an entire season some years ago, that\u2019s a lot.\u00a0 I was just glad to see that my instincts were right.\u00a0 I told my relation he had recruited the right man for the job.<\/p>\n
So when he swung by to pick me up on the day of the game, I didn\u2019t disappoint.\u00a0 I wore an official 2003 World Series home game jersey with a navy blue NY logo, long sleeve, mock turtleneck underneath, topped off with a matching 100th<\/sup> Anniversary fitted hat.\u00a0 I practically screamed pinstripes.\u00a0 I was just glad I was getting straight into a car and not trying to make my own way to the\u00a0stadium\u00a0via public transit.\u00a0 I try not to stand out in public as I\u2019d prefer not to attract the attention of the wrong element.\u00a0 I\u2019ve already been burglarized while sitting at home\u00a0on my living room sofa.\u00a0 That was a close enough brush with the lower rungs of the social ladder, thank you very much.\u00a0 I can still smell the pungent odor of rancid B.O.\u00a0the intruder\u00a0left behind in exchange for my cell phone.\u00a0 Call me crazy, but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s a very fair exchange.<\/p>\n The\u00a0only problem with my attire was finding a place to keep my sunglasses.\u00a0 Usually, I hang them from the collar of my shirt.\u00a0 It\u2019s a perfect spot:\u00a0 it\u2019s safe, it\u2019s secure and I almost always forget they\u2019re there until I need them.\u00a0 But with a mock turtle neck that was impractical, unless I was angling for a punctured jugular.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t put them in my already bulging pockets because they were in that classic Oakley-brand style: \u00a0one big lens curved to fit the contour of your face.\u00a0 I\u2019d crush them in a hot minute if I put them in a pocket.\u00a0 Not to mention that I had only just bought them a few weeks before and was rather protective of them.\u00a0 I finally decided to make the best of a bad situation and just hang them from the first button of my jersey, somewhere about the middle of my sternum.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t nearly as secure as I would have liked, dangling precariously if I leaned the wrong way, but I resolved to be careful and just remember to keep checking them every so often\u00a0and make sure that they were still\u00a0there.<\/p>\n I had been meaning to get to a game at the new stadium all year but had somehow never managed to get around to it.\u00a0 So when we arrived, my relation took me on a personal\u00a0guided tour.\u00a0 Let me just say \u201cwow\u201d.\u00a0 The new stadium is striking, beautiful, and all-around\u00a0amazing.\u00a0 I highly recommend a visit.\u00a0 There doesn\u2019t look to be a bad seat in the house, though there are more than a few that are out of damn near everyone\u2019s price range.\u00a0 Several hundred dollars for a few hours entertainment does not sound like a bargain to me.\u00a0 I mean, I’ve still got issues with the price of movie<\/em> tickets, let alone sporting events.\u00a0 It\u2019s no wonder they had trouble filling the seats.\u00a0 Unless the evening ends with a gold watch and an autographed\u00a0picture of me shaking hands with the star short stop, I\u2019ll stick to the bleacher seats.<\/p>\n After I managed to re-hinge my jaw, we made our way out to the loading dock and the bus waiting there for us.\u00a0 When I saw no less than 8 cases of different kinds of beer, 2 cases of Gatorade, 2 cases of bottled water, bags of ice in coolers to chill it all with, and a case each of pretzels, peanuts, kettle corn and Cracker Jack, I knew it was going to be a good day.\u00a0 The hard part would be remembering to pace myself.\u00a0 Call me crazy, but I\u2019d actually like to remember some of this moment of history to which I was about to bear witness.<\/p>\n As soon as the bus started moving, the beers were handed out.\u00a0 I took my time, savoring the experience, and eventually called back for reinforcements.\u00a0 I spent much of the ride unable to draw myself away from the fall foliage passing by outside my window.\u00a0 I know the Jersey Turnpike does not have the greatest reputation for beauty, in fact it\u2019s legendary for its lack thereof, but I promise you,\u00a0the farther you get away from the City, the better it gets.\u00a0 And you can\u2019t get much better than October in the Northeast.\u00a0 It\u2019s easily my favorite time of the year.<\/p>\n Well, after downing two beers on the first hour of the ride, I wasn\u2019t really surprised when nature started beckoning to me in that ever so special way it does\u00a0from the vicinity of my kidneys. \u00a0I certainly wasn\u2019t the first one to heed the call.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, it seemed to be quite the parade traipsing in and out of that tiny little door.\u00a0 So I made my way to the back and waited my turn.\u00a0<\/p>\n The first problem\u00a0was\u00a0locating the light switch.\u00a0 I never found one.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if anyone ever did.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have the time or patience to fumble around in the dark as my bladder played the conga on\u00a0my spine.\u00a0 So, ever the prepared Boy Scout, I got out the little flashlight attached to my key chain and, with it clenched dutifully between my teeth, I took care of business.<\/p>\n Now, I know you know how wonderfully euphoric it can be to, after long suffering, relieve the pressure of a particularly long round of drinking:\u00a0 the eyes roll back in the head, stars appear before your face and an all over body shutter of relief racks\u00a0your wearied frame.\u00a0 It\u2019s amazing, and more than a little distracting.\u00a0 Well, I was just finishing up, heaving my long breaths of welcome relief when I bent over to re-situate my shifted clothing.\u00a0 That\u2019s when I heard\u00a0the splash.<\/p>\n To be continued in “Desperate Times — Part 2”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cWhy does this always happen to me?!\u201d The darkened walls of the passenger bus lavatory swayed\u00a0as we made our way down the highway.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen more spacious accommodations\u00a0in\u00a0a phone booth.\u00a0 I had tried to hold out until we made it all the way to Philly but it was no use.\u00a0 Nature\u2019s call must be answered.\u00a0 … Continue reading