What better way to mourn the passing of the holiday season than with really bad, holiday-based poetry? Enjoy and Happy New Year!
* * *
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Sierra the Mouse,
Was thrashing and flailing all over the house,
Stealing the covers, beating mom half to death,
The faint scent of candy cane still on her breath.
Her mother rolled over and tried not to chide
The sweet sleeping child awake by her side.
Her thoughts turned to fancy, her mind running free,
Though not far, I’m sure, as they’re always of me.
I, for my part, was alone in the house,
Unable to sleep like my good friend the Mouse.
Tomorrow was Christmas and I couldn’t wait,
The best part of the year is this cold winter date.
Downstairs I knew that good Jeffrey would dream
Of Hans Zimmer scores and choc’late chip streams.
Rebecca lay arrogant, smug in her bed
No visions of sugar plums danced in her head.
She had assured me full numerous times
That I would reduce to strict pantomimes
My copious joy at her Christmas gift.
Such arrogance always I do give short shrift.
I held out no hope for anything good
While secretly hoping like any boy would.
Upstairs lay Mom in her jungle gym bed
Done in long ago: booze goes to her head.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
Not knowing quite how that he’d find them there.
But the Big Guy had never failed once, never missed.
Faithfully finding all those on his list.
So we laid out the cookies close by on a chair,
The egg nog still chill in the cold winter air.
Then in the distance I heard a long moan
That started real soft and grew to a drone.
A train was a’comin’, the Polar Express!
But I was too old. That made me depressed.
So I thought of the gifts and the tree piled high,
Just to the ceiling, not quite to the sky.
Fulfilling our dreams, and then every wish
Would be granted in full. And dinner! Delish!
For what could be better on a cold winter’s day
Than family and table, save those far away?
Our wishes go out to those far and wide
Who cannot be home by their family’s side.
We wish you the best in holiday cheer
And pray that you’ll be there real soon for next year.
For holidays are nothing without those we love.
They go together like hands in a glove.
So keep yourself safe and come home real soon.
We’ll save you some turkey, just not until June.
For the magic of Christmas, we learn when we grow,
Is not the presents but all those we know.
So as the man said when he rode out of sight
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”